"It's not a mean cancer"....

A year ago I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, everything came and went so fast. I was diagnosed the first week in August, had surgery taking out my thyroid and 3 parathyroid out in September and in October radiation. While everything was going so fast so little information was given to me. I was told that the best treatment would be surgery and radioactive iodine. I was told that I would just be taking a thyroid replacement hormone the rest of my life. I was told about the general liabilities when getting surgery and that if they ended up having to remove my parathyroid it would not be a big deal because we can "function with one parathyroid" and I would "just" need to take calcium. Here I sit one year later with so much emotion. I am angry because I feel that everything was so down played. Although, I am almost positive I would have treated the same treatment, I was not told that I would lose hair, gain almost 50 pounds, feel like an emotional basket case, have days that even lifting my head up off the pillow is using too much energy. I was not told about that the medications resulted in other side effects and that my skin would fluctuate resulting in more breakouts. I was not told that if I don't take a day to myself to be "lazy" at least once a week I will fall apart and not have energy resulting in an emotional break down because I can not do what I used to be able to do. I have lost "friends" in my life because by the end of the week I just don't have energy to hang out or go anywhere. I have become "flakey" because I will make plans and then later, I don't have energy or feel sick which is hard for people to understand. I was not told that I would have a raspy voice if I talk too much and that I would not be able to regulate my body temperature. I was never told that I would have tingly limbs and cramping in my hands and feet because of hypoparathyroidism, which as said before all I would have to do is "just" take medications. I was not told that monthly I would have my blood to test levels and that I would have pain in my neck even a year later. I was not told that if I stretch my neck it feels like someone pushing on my larynx and I cough and its hard to breathe. I was not told that I would have a difficult time clearing my throat and that my voice would go in and out, up and down, to where I sound like a pre-pubescent boy. I am sure there are other things that I was not aware of because thyroid cancer is "not a mean cancer". I understand that there are more harsh cancers and treatments out there but that does not mean that its okay to downplay the effects of other cancers and treatments. The last thing that I have had several break downs over is that NO BODY TOLD ME IT WOULD EFFECT MY SINGING LONG TERM. This was one of my biggest concerns having surgery so close to the vocal chords. Due to my voice going in and out and up and down I have a hard time staying on tune. I do not have a range at all, when I sing the vibrations make it feel like someone is pushing against my larynx making it painful and resulting in a coughing attack. I try to stay positive and hang in there, it gets incredibly difficult when so many things are effecting my daily life, my work, my social life and the one thing that I have used to release stress and emotion, my voice! There are times I have come home from a hard day at work, picked up my guitar to release that stress, played 2 songs and broke down because I can't carry a toon. Today I watched an old video of me singing, I broke down because it hurts my soul that I can not sing, the one thing I have treasured most in my life other than my family and friends. I have felt the need to release this frustration for a while and finally sat down to blog it out.