Guilt with a side of Shame

I still remember the first time someone referred to me as a cancer survivor. I was taken a back, I thought "a cancer survivor? I'm not worthy of that". After all thyroid cancer is a "nice cancer" and it was removed so there is no way that I fall under that category. I felt guilty for "claiming" to be in the same category as so many people I have in my life that are strong and fought or continue to fight cancer. I felt that I did not have a right to that title. I felt that people would make fun of me, or judge me for relating to it. I felt that because thyroid cancer "is not a big deal" and was no longer in my body that people would think I am whiney or being a baby. I have suppressed so many emotions because of that shame and guilt. As I was thinking about the different emotions and experiences I have experienced, I realized that I have experienced every single stage of the Kubler-Ross model for grief and loss. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance have all come up over the past year, not necessarily in that order, but each stage has been present to some extent. I continue to experience these stages as I continue to process emotions and feelings. Over the past week I discovered that September is Thyroid Cancer Awareness month, I had no idea until just a few days ago. As I read on forums and pintrest (I love me some pintrest) I discovered that my feeling and emotions were not ridiculous and Thyroid Cancer IS a big deal and life changing and I was not being whiney or a baby. I find it interesting that September 17th is the anniversary date of my surgery (total thyroidectomy). How empowering to have Thyroid Cancer Awareness the same month as my anniversary date. So I will be taking the opportunity to share information and awareness to those around me. I am a fighter and a survivor even if it is uncomfortable at this time because my head and heart are conflicting with one another. I know that eventually those two things will match up and that those negative thoughts and the insecurities will cease! One day at a time!